Tuesday, September 20

Positive Test

Tested Positive this Morning -

Got up at 8 am and took my temp like I am doing every damn morning (or at least every morning when I remember) – then went to pee & decided that even though its early – a few days before my period is due – what the hell we have a few extra clear blue sticks around since they are coming as a freebie each time I buy the ovulation testers. So I peed on the stick and then sat & waited, and waited, and tried not to look, and waited – and well, you know what the outcome is going to be cause you already saw the title of this page – I looked at the stick and saw a +. I ran into the bedroom and showed it to E., and she said yep she can see the plus sign too. So now the real ride begins. I hope I can keep some semblance of sane over the next few weeks while we try to get past the early developing weeks.


Tuesday, September 13


Early Blastocyst

0.1 - 0.2 mm

4 days post-ovulation

About four days after fertilization, the morula enters the uterine cavity. Cell division continues, and a cavity known as a blastocele forms in the center of the morula. Cells flatten and compact on the inside of the cavity while the zona pellucida remains the same size. With the appearance of the cavity in the center, the entire structure is now called a blastocyst.
The presence of the blastocyst indicates that two cell types are forming: the embryoblast (inner cell mass on the inside of the blastocele), and the trophoblast (the cells on the outside of the blastocele).


Friday, September 9

Stage 1

Stage 1
1 Oocyte, 300 Million Sperm, 24 Hours
0.1 - 0.15 mm
1 day post-ovulation
Fertilization begins when a sperm penetrates an oocyte (an egg) and it ends with the creation of the zygote. The fertilization process takes about 24 hours.
A sperm can survive for up to 48 hours. It takes about ten hours to navigate the female productive track, moving up the vaginal canal, through the cervix, and into the fallopian tube where fertilization begins. Though 300 million sperm may enter the upper part of the vagina, only 1%, 3 million, enter the uterus. The next step is the penetration of the zona pellucida, a tough membrane surrounding the oocyte. Only one sperm needs to bind with the protein receptors in the zona pellucida to trigger an enzyme reaction allowing the zona to be pierced. Penetration of the zona pellucida takes about twenty minutes.
Within 11 hours following fertilization, the oocyte has extruded a polar body with its excess chromosomes. The fusion of the oocyte and sperm nuclei marks the creation of the zygote and the end of fertilization.

Makin lil butch

Makin’ lil butch babies.

We got the chance to try again this month. Sept 8th was our go day - Lucky that I’ve had a really clear cycle for awhile. We picked up our supplies in the morning and then went to work. The plan was to shoot for a 9pm insemination. I wanted to have the chance to chill out, get in the water, bathe & rest – before we did the insemination. It was a sweet evening – made me feel very optimistic about our chances. I hope so because if we make a baby now then she’ll be born at the end of may or early june – our last chance before residency starts – which really makes this our last chance to get pregnant. If it doesn’t work then I suspect that we would wait about a year and Em would be the one to try after that. At 41 I don’t think that’ll it be me trying beyond this round.

I suppose I am scared in so many ways right now - scared it won’t happen, scared that if it does we may still have to face losing the pregnancy like earlier this summer, scared that even at 41 I am really not ready to be a dad. And I am also strangely compelled to share my thoughts and musings with an anonymous world.