Tuesday, June 28

What you get with your D & C

Free High -

They get you really high when they are giving you a D&C – that’s a good thing. When Jean and I were walking from our parking spot to the dr’s office I realized that I needed to pay attention to where the curb was because my feet felt like they were very far away from my body. Then I think I pretty much did everything I could to just be out of my body for the next chunk of time. It wasn’t too hard while I was yet again ½ ass naked on the exam table – I leave my body pretty quick in that position. The procedure itself didn’t hurt to much – and it did go really fast although it felt like it was taking forever. The longer she went the more I was cramping so by the end it was pretty owwy. This is such a crap bad way for things to go. After the doctor left I took a look under the cover at what she had “evacuted” – it was pretty much all fluid, bloody fluid – a lot of it more than I expected. Maybe I shouldn’t have looked. I don’t know. There’s a part of me that wanted to know what’s inside me. Jean brought me home after and I laid down (thanks Kathy for cleaning the room for me) and slept for a few hours. By early afternoon I didn’t have anymore cramping and wasn’t really bleeding either. A lot better than I had expected.

Wednesday, June 22

Bad Bad Bad

Bad Bad Bad-

Today was our first ob visit and ultrasound. By the title on this you can probably guess what is coming. It was not a good outcome. E & I met up came out to a cafĂ© near the Dr’s office where we had a yummy lunch and talked about what we were expecting with the visit. Lunch was good – we were both excited and nervous. I think we are both pretty much terrified by the idea that we are having a baby. I got set up in the exam room – they took my blood pressure and my weight and I had to get ½ ass naked and put on the paper gown – once again my favorite (!!!!) Then e. and I started to get into it about how much weight I put on already – only 8 weeks into this adventure. Buggin’ me about my weight when I am in a paper gown is not the best…. I was starting to get pretty annoyed and ready to get into it with her, but then the Ob’s NP came in to do the ultrasound, so we quickly made nice.

So she put the probe in and we are all watching the little TV screen and I’m waiting to see something that’s supposed to look like a dancing gummy bear- but all I see is a lot of black – no gummy bear at all. And at this point E is really quiet, and the doctor is moving the probe around and its starting to sink in to me that something is probably pretty wrong here.

The NP says something about it not looking right & being really sorry and I am just going ka-ching shut everything down. She wants us to go across the street and get another scan on the super machine to confirm that there’s nobody there – but it’s pretty clear that the pregnancy hasn’t progressed (for awhile). I think that e. was crying – I don’t really remember. I was paying attention to the NP’s manner more than the actual words that she said. She left us alone & I got dressed & e. was freaked, and they sent us across the street. The fancy ultrasound lady was great – she was business-like without any of the fake I’m sorry stuff. Her brusque manner made me feel safer than a soft sympathy manner would have. She confirmed that there isn’t a baby & there hasn’t been for awhile – probably since about the 6th week – I think that it never got a heart beat.

We left there and went home & to bed. The doctor’s office called later & said that if I don’t miscarry in the next week I will need to schedule a D&C. I didn’t sign on for this.