Makin lil butch

Makin’ lil butch babies.

We got the chance to try again this month. Sept 8th was our go day - Lucky that I’ve had a really clear cycle for awhile. We picked up our supplies in the morning and then went to work. The plan was to shoot for a 9pm insemination. I wanted to have the chance to chill out, get in the water, bathe & rest – before we did the insemination. It was a sweet evening – made me feel very optimistic about our chances. I hope so because if we make a baby now then she’ll be born at the end of may or early june – our last chance before residency starts – which really makes this our last chance to get pregnant. If it doesn’t work then I suspect that we would wait about a year and Em would be the one to try after that. At 41 I don’t think that’ll it be me trying beyond this round.

I suppose I am scared in so many ways right now - scared it won’t happen, scared that if it does we may still have to face losing the pregnancy like earlier this summer, scared that even at 41 I am really not ready to be a dad. And I am also strangely compelled to share my thoughts and musings with an anonymous world.