Bad Bad Bad

Bad Bad Bad-

Today was our first ob visit and ultrasound. By the title on this you can probably guess what is coming. It was not a good outcome. E & I met up came out to a café near the Dr’s office where we had a yummy lunch and talked about what we were expecting with the visit. Lunch was good – we were both excited and nervous. I think we are both pretty much terrified by the idea that we are having a baby. I got set up in the exam room – they took my blood pressure and my weight and I had to get ½ ass naked and put on the paper gown – once again my favorite (!!!!) Then e. and I started to get into it about how much weight I put on already – only 8 weeks into this adventure. Buggin’ me about my weight when I am in a paper gown is not the best…. I was starting to get pretty annoyed and ready to get into it with her, but then the Ob’s NP came in to do the ultrasound, so we quickly made nice.

So she put the probe in and we are all watching the little TV screen and I’m waiting to see something that’s supposed to look like a dancing gummy bear- but all I see is a lot of black – no gummy bear at all. And at this point E is really quiet, and the doctor is moving the probe around and its starting to sink in to me that something is probably pretty wrong here.

The NP says something about it not looking right & being really sorry and I am just going ka-ching shut everything down. She wants us to go across the street and get another scan on the super machine to confirm that there’s nobody there – but it’s pretty clear that the pregnancy hasn’t progressed (for awhile). I think that e. was crying – I don’t really remember. I was paying attention to the NP’s manner more than the actual words that she said. She left us alone & I got dressed & e. was freaked, and they sent us across the street. The fancy ultrasound lady was great – she was business-like without any of the fake I’m sorry stuff. Her brusque manner made me feel safer than a soft sympathy manner would have. She confirmed that there isn’t a baby & there hasn’t been for awhile – probably since about the 6th week – I think that it never got a heart beat.

We left there and went home & to bed. The doctor’s office called later & said that if I don’t miscarry in the next week I will need to schedule a D&C. I didn’t sign on for this.