Wednesday, May 27

Footnote 48 - Happy Anniversary

"We have no occasion in this case to determine whether same-sex couples who were lawfully married in another jurisdiction prior to the adoption of Proposition 8, but whose marriages were not formally recognized in California prior to that date, are entitled to have their marriages recognized in California at this time. None of the petitioners before us in these cases falls within this category, "

Ca Supreme Court 5/26/09

It was May 27 2001 - Eight Years Ago today that Em & I had our "First Marriage" - what I consider to be our "real marriage". Over a hundred guests including her parents, brothers, uncle, grandmother, cousins & their kids & partners; My mom & dad (who are never in the same place!), sisters, friends, cousins, motorcycle club buddies, and even some of our co-workers came together on a beautiful beach and park just North of SF. It was the most wonderful day - amazing weather, a touching ceremony, amazing food, music, friends, family. But of course legally it meant NOTHING.

So we got married again when we moved to MA. this is our "legal wedding" & the sweet part is that em's brother got made an officiant for the day & he "performed" the wedding - this time there were no guests but Monito (he was 4 months old) and Dan's daughter & wife - but this got our little family health coverage (albeit taxable health coverage for me under federal law) and legally recognized in the state we are living in for now. Em still had to adopt our son for him to be "related" to her. And dont even get me started on how we file our taxes.

So last year around this time it became legal for families like ours to get married in California when the Supreme Court there held that family code 308.5 was not compatible with the State Constitution. There was a rush of couples running to the alter between 6/15 and November when prop 8 was going to be on the ballot. Over 18,000 couples - but we weren't one of them - why because we were already married right. As soon as CA recognized same sex marriages as valid my legal MA marriage should make me married in CA too. I mean no one else has to travel the country and get married in every state they may possibly want to spend some time in so we shouldn't have to either - or so I thought.

In fact we were in CA in Oct. for Mel & Veejays lovely wedding in Mendocino & I suppose we could have tried to do some quickie wedding then - but like I said we should have been married by virtue of the fact that we were married - right???

So yesterday the CA Supreme Court published its decision on the legality of Prop 8 - which took the same language that was in the Family Code Section 308.5 - marriage is between one man & one woman... and put it into the State's Constitution. They held that the Prop is valid, that it ammended rather than revised the constitution & the voters of CA can do that by a simple majority vote on a proposition thats placed on the ballot if you get signatures equal to 8% of the number of people who voted in the last Gubernatorial election (???). - But they held that the 18,000 or so folks who did get hitched in CA between June 15 & November ARE STILL LEGALLY MARRIED.

But then there is footnote 48 - and that's us - the lawfully married out of state queers who didn't think we were required to run out to CA and basically perform a sham marriage just to get a legal recognition which automatically attaches to ANY OTHER LEGALLY MARRIED COUPLE --- and now we are basically being invited to sue CA to find out if we are or are not married there.

So on that note I will say Happy Anniversary Emily - on this the date of our true wedding before our families, our community & our god - We have made it to 8 years, through two states, med school and most of residency, we have become homeowners, landlords, parents (to rats, dog & boy) - we have done good & sometimes not so good - but you have remained my partner & co-conspirator & the first memory number on my phone --- I love you.

1 comment:

lauren & jerald said...

Happy Anniversary! Kills me about all the craziness in Cali. Glad Mass got it right. I am hopefull your home state will figure it out soon. It was really powerful when you said how crazy it is to think anyone would have to go and get married in every state to have it recognized. Thanks for sharing your journey and your thoughts. ~ Lauren