Packing Break

This is what we look like when Melanie & Em take a much needed break from packing - as you can tell by the hospital gown on me I take the breaks a little more often. Thursday June 01 - the container truck gets filled up & our stuff heads off to Boston.....

Momma's Day on the Deck

Here is emily enjoying her first "real" mothers day ... with a coffee au lait, the Sunday NY Times & lil blasto strapped to her chest. It was one of the hottest days in recent memory & the boy decided he would go on strike with the nursing for the day... but lucky for me picked it up again like a natural once it cooled down in the late afternoon.
Mothers Day --

Mama Emmy chose these socks 

Perfect 

Lambskin Beauty 

Newest Arrival - leaving St. Lukes

Crossing the Threshold

Here I am bringing little Riley (still called blasto by his moms) into the house for the first time. He is about 2 days old & not really paying attention but it was a BIG moment for us.
At the doorpost of your home

Mable meets Blasto

Tuesday May 9th -- scenes from St. Lukes

Occasionaly we remembered to pull out the camera... some of our first visitors --
Marianna & Jenny (not pictured), Spencer & Mama Kathy (Lily was at camp),
Prochovnick's - especially Shayna who couldn't get enough of the lil guy.
Deb who couldn't stay long enough!!!!! & of course Mel - bringer of the Jamba.
(and Maria my counselor from the Diabetes clinic - she rocks) 

Hospital Nap....

HERE I AM (scroll down for newer photos)

Riley Isaac Newfield
Born --- Monday May 8th 8:30 pm
Weight 5 lbs 13 oz Length 19"
Eyes -- grey
Hair - lots - dark & curly

Wow 13"

 

Hello Cruel World

 

Senior Boat Trip....

Who knew that we were only a couple days away from being moms.... Em invited me to come along with her, Chitra, Mel & Holly on the UCSF Grad midnight cruise around the bay. I didn't realize at the time that it was going to be our last dinner out together as a two-some. Blasto did enjoy the music and dancing and I only felt a little sick once during the ride... although we all agreed it could have been about an hour shorter than it was. Side Note: I have always loved the big metal things they use to unload the ships - they look like giant horses to me. 

Lovejoys Shower

Jenny invited Annie, Remi, Melissa Ortega and Melanie for a lil baby shower at LoveJoys - our favorite tea hall.

 

SHOWING THE HOUSE

We are starting to informally show the house to folks – friends and friends of friends. It feels really weird on one hand, but also like a move away from inaction on the other hand. I so don’t want to leave my home – especially now when I am supposed to be all about nesting – and instead I am supposed to start tearing my messy little nest apart!!!!

Anne Williams is thinking about moving in with her mom & they think the house may be a good fit for them, and Jenny from the JMP needs to move into SF in a place where they can keep their dogs. In addition Steve & the Prochovnick family are sending over some good long term friends who need to move back into SF after living down Skyline for the past years.

I am excited that it looks like this process may be fairly painless, but I am so sad to be leaving our house.

BABIES

Both Maya and Margaret had baby boys yesterday!!!! And now they are next door to each other at UCSF. The JMP gals dropped into see Maya today & I joined them after scarapy. Maya looks GREAT & the baby is really cute as well. She told us a chunk of the birth story and it wasn’t too bad – I guess its never too bad when you’ve got your perfect baby at the end of the day.

It did make me feel safer & a little less freaked out to see them all doing so well. I definitely like the feel of the Homestyle/St Lukes option better than the feel at UCSF – the halls sorta vibrate with the anticipation of an exciting case – I don’t want to be an exciting case – I want to be a really really boring birth – routine, as expected with nothing too exciting going on.

Both Maya and Margaret had some D-Cells at the end stages and had some scary moments- but like I said as soon as you know baby & mama are fine then every birth looks like a good birth.

I am glad that we all got to do belly photos together at the baby showers. Hopefully they will shoot copies to Em at some point and I can post them here.

What’s UP? My Blood Pressure

Just before we got to 33 weeks my blood pressure shot up to 146/89 - at our homestyle visit that night Yeshi asked me what I do during the day to relax … I said that I went outside for a few minutes when I could. She didn’t like that answer so much and told me to let my boss know that I wouldn’t come in for the rest of the week – instead she wanted me to spend 2 hours resting in the morning, in the middle of the day, and in the early evening. They also had me set an appt. with Dr. Norrell who is the Ob-Gyn in charge of the whole she-bang.

So we saw Norrell the next week and after 4 days out of work the BP was 110/60 and the Dr. was joking about why was I there… She went ahead and acknowledged that if the modified rest schedule was working then its’ best to keep me on it & filled out SDI paperwork to put me into maternity leave now. My plan was to stay through the end of the month – but not if its making me sick to be on my “feet”.

Norrell also basically asked Em to seriously consider coming back to SF & working with them at St. Lukes – that was really cool.

Emily Came Home..... YEAH!!!!!

So Em got home for her birthday. I am so happy. For a few reasons... I am quite proud of myself for actually driving her car to the airport & picking her up at close to Midnight on Saturday night. (go me!!!) I have that feeling the rest of you may remember from when you were perhaps 16 and driving for the first couple of times on your own - like I am such a rockstar for not killing myself on the freeway.

Also I just missed her sooooo much.... and I need help now to pick up anything thats on the floor... by next week I'll need help to tie my shoes.. So I pretty much needed her home.

We saw Lily & Eric last night for B'day dinner & Sopranos

We went grocery shopping at Rainbow & had vietnemese for lunch & em rubbed my ankles before bed ... really how much better could a birthday get.

30 Weeks (but hey who's counting)

Here is some info on whats up with Blasto in this week --

"He weighs a whopping 3 pounds (1.36 kilograms)! & measures about 14.8 inches (37.5 cms) The baby is very aware of the surroundings. We tend to think of the uterus as a dark place. The uterus actually can be light and dark depending on the mother's environment. You may be able to distinguish sleep and wake cycles in your baby. Although it usually seems as if the baby wants to sleep while you are awake and vice versa at night. This is not indicative of a sleepless newborn." - some website...


So really whats going on -- I woke up today and am easily TWICE as big as I was when I went to bed last night. For about 2-3 weeks now he has been a really good strong kicker - most active at night (bedtime) but he likes to get busy at work too... especially during meetings when we are all sitting in the conference room - he punches, kicks and rolls & makes me feel a little sea sick.

We aren't sleeping so well these days -- the belly is getting in the way, the reflux is kinda bad, we miss Emily (although I like taking over the whole bed), and I'm up 4-5 times per night. I have a nasty cough that started the day after match day... It's not getting worse, but not getting better either --- around 3 in the morning I wake up coughing so hard I give myself (& blasto) uterine cramps!! Not too much fun - but he's staying where he's supposed to be so I won't worry too much.

& hey.... big thanks to everyone who is calling & checking on me while em is out of town!!!

Emilys Whereabouts

On the central pacific coast of Costa Rica is one of the country's most beautiful uncut gems, Dominical. From its turquoise green water to its fiery red and gold sunsets, the natural beauty of the area is second to none....

The town sits on the Pacific Ocean bordered to the north by the Rio Baru, on the east by three thousand-foot high mountains and to the south by dark, coffee brown, beaches and coves. One of the most striking features of Dominical can be found while swimming in the water, the town simply disappears. All you see are the tall beach palms and mangroves surrounded by verdant green hills reaching up into the mountains.

Dominical has been known for many years to the international surfing community because of its consistently good waves. Only recently has it been discovered by those people attracted to its natural beauty. Not more than twenty years ago the only buildings to be found were a few dilapidated fishing huts built by local fishermen. Since then the town has grown to over 400 permanent residents with a number of small beach front restaurants, bars and cabinas. Even with the emergence and growth of the town, it is possible to walk from one end of Dominical to the other in less than ten minutes.

The area surrounding Dominical, especially to the south, is almost completely unpopulated. Because of this, the area is full of hundreds of different species of exotic animals including; three different types of toucans, giant green and red iguanas, all four types of native monkeys, parrots of all sizes and hues, three toed sloths and various small cats such as jaguarundis and montegordos. These two types of cats are smaller versions of the spotted jaguar and black panther found to the south in the Osa Peninsula. They are extremely rare and this is one of their last natural habitats found in Central America.

There are two national preserves in the immediate area with three more (Manuel Antonio National Park, Corcovado National Park and Caño Island National Preserve) only an additional hour and a half away. North of town, on the other side of Rio Baru is Hacienda Baru, which is a private 1000 acre preserve. Stretching from the beach with its mangrove swamps filled with bright yellow beaked toucans to its primary forest crested hilltops, Hacienda Baru offers the ecological tourist the opportunity to see a wonderful diversity of tropical plants and animals. To the south is the country's only totally underwater national park, Marino Ballena. Here it is possible to see a pristine and virgin underwater world with scores of multi-colorful marine creatures, coral reefs and jagged, ash black, volcanic rocks and tide pools. In the hills directly east of town are areas of primary forest with numerous waterfalls throughout, including the county's tallest, a three level, 800 foot high mountain of cascading water.

Reaching Dominical and the surrounding area is easier than one might expect. It is a three and a half hour drive from San Jose by car through some of the most visually stunning scenery in the entire country. Traveling south down the Pan-American Highway below Cartago takes you through the country's largest cloud forest and the world's last remaining, sustainable habitat for the endangered quetzal bird. The trip by bus is only an hour more with one stop and change in San Isidro. It is only necessary to rent a four wheel drive car if you intend to do some exploring in the mountains or continue traveling further north or south. It is a one hour drive north to Quepos by car, 4x4 recommended, or an additional half hour by bus. Fitfteen minutes to the south lies Marina Ballena National Park and then an hour more drive takes you to the entrance of Drake's Bay.

Boston

& we are stunned!!!!

THE MATCH

15 Hours to go.....

& The winner is _________________________

This is what we looked like when we first got knocked up....

So this is the happy carefree faces of two gals who don't know what they have gotten themselves into --- This was from our Mendocino getaway weekend to go to Lily & Erics wedding back at the end of Sept 05 -- something like 2 weeks pregnant at that point. This week we find out where we match.... not looking quite so carefree this weekend...

Look who gets the best furniture in the house

Boy- o is starting out in style - thanks to Emily's good taste he'll have a better bed than we do. Until we steal it from him and convert it into a regular sleigh bed (ha ha - evil laughter). So shopping for baby stuff is almost as scary as shopping for maternity wear.

High End Ultrasound...

Wow - with this picture you can actually sorta see his face - he is hiding behind the placenta - I guess its sorta like him having a favorite pillow - I figure he takes after me that way. The ultrasound was fine - he has a diaphram & its right where it should be.

So these are probably the last sets of pictures of little dude until we actually get to meet him this summer.

Scans

A few more shots of Blasto from the fine folks at CPMC

Son of a Butch

For Ila - belly shot while yawning

He's a boy we got the proof

Okay so these one's are hard to figure out, but you are looking at him from the bottom up - note the lil butt on the left of the photo - the white spots are the but bones. Legs & thighs are jutting out toward the right - you can sorta see toes & feets.. and yup there between the thighs & the butt is what Emily referred to in the ultrasound appt. as his "stuff"

My Brilliant Boy - thumb in mouth

Year of the Dog

Year of the Dog

1922, 1934, 1946, 1958, 1970, 1982, 1994, 2006

People born in the Year of the Dog possess the best traits of human nature. They have a deep sense of loyalty, are honest, and inspire other people's confidence because they know how to keep secrets.

The Dog is a giving, compassionate personality. He offers kind words, support and advice to friends and family. He is a listener, always available to lend an ear or a shoulder to a friend in need. Often Dogs know more about their friends than their friends know about them or even themselves! Dogs are incredibly attentive.

Dogs are loyal, faithful and honest and always stick to their firm codes of ethics. However, this Sign has trouble trusting others. It's generally quite trustworthy itself -- except for the occasional "little white lies" the Dog tells in order to make things go more smoothly. The Dog makes a wonderful, discreet and loyal friend (despite any white lies) and is an excellent listener.

This Sign tends to root for the underdog and its keen sense of right and wrong makes it duty-bound to the core. The Dog's mantra seems to be, Live right, look out for the little people and fight injustice whenever possible.

Sometimes though, Dogs should pay more attention to their own needs. In private, many Dog people worry a lot.

Dog People are somewhat selfish, terribly stubborn, and eccentric. They care little for wealth, yet somehow always seem to have money. They can be cold emotionally and sometimes distant at parties. They can find fault with many things and are noted for their sharp tongues.

Dog people make good leaders.

Dogs can also be rather dogmatic, too. They don't go in for light social banter; instead, they go straight for home, expostulating on the topics that are most important to them. At these times the Dog's narrow-minded or stubborn side can become apparent; this Sign has trouble staying light and calm when an important issue is at stake. This Sign can also be very temperamental; mood swings characterize its emotional life and often the Dog needs to run off to be alone in order to recuperate. Part of the problem is the result of this Sign's load of irrational fears that turn into niggling anxieties that turn into hurt feelings and occasional grouchiness. This sensitive Sign needs to warm up to others over time and gradually learn to trust them. Without that trust as a foundation, Dogs can be judgmental and coarse.

The Dog's discerning nature does make it an excellent business person, one who can turn that picky, guarded nature into a keen sense of the truth of another's motives. Where love is concerned, Dogs often have a tough time finding the right match. They can be so anxious and overwrought in the romance dance that they'll stress their partner to the max!

In any forum, this Sign is happiest when able to be quite physically active; at home or at work, the Dog will always be constructing something new or cleaning something up in order to make things better. Dogs like clean residences. Not only straightened-up, but also deep cleaned. Changed sheets, washed clothes, dusted blinds and wiped down mirrors are only a few of the Dogs weekly chores. His home must be well-organized and easy to navigate all of the time. Dogs want to be comfortable and take luxury in overstuffed pillows, big, cushy couches and oversized recliners. Although they are open-minded, Dogs prefer to stick with traditional décor when decorating a room.

Dogs need to work on controlling their irrational worries and would also be well-served to relax their mile-high standards, which can sometimes wind up alienating the ones they love.

CHARACTERISTICS
Responsible
Compassionate
Reliable
Honest
Pessimistic
Anxious
Overwhelming
Nosy


LIKES AND DISLIKES
Since Dogs are born under the same Animal Sign, they often share likes and dislikes. Following are similar likes and dislikes of the Dog personality.
Color Preference: Pale Yellow
Gems and Stones: Moonstone, Carnelian, Jasper
Suitable Gifts: Rocking chair, novel, roses, massage therapy
Hobbies and Pastimes: Cooking, rearranging, dancing, arts and crafts
Dogs Dislike: Hurting other people’s feelings, getting angry or aggressive, being treated unfairly

DOG INFANT AND CHILD
Dog children are creative, able to entertain themselves for hours on end. They don’t mind playing by themselves, often inventing games and puzzles while doing so. They are responsible children who love to take on and complete as many tasks as possible for it gives them a sense of accomplishment.

THE FIRE DOG 1946 AND 2006
Fire Dogs are natural leaders. Fire Dogs are popular, charismatic people, always surrounded by a group of admirers. Not only admired for their vibrant personalities, these Dogs also possess a sexual attractiveness that makes them irresistible. These people are adventurous and vivacious, yet, honest and openhearted. However, because they are so active, they are generally not the settle down type.

GEMINI DOG
Gemini Dogs can talk your mother under the table. They are charismatic and charming, not intimidated by other people. They love to take on new experiences.


They are compatible with those born in the Years of the Horse, Tiger, and Rabbit.

Sick to my stomach & eating crap

I don't know why I think that a mini box of Frosted Flakes is going to make me feel better when I already have an after-dinner stomach ache. I am getting so tired of eating being no fun. I miss enjoying my lunches & dinner. I thought of going to a meeting tonight but by 8 O'clock I was too tired to get off the couch - so now its me, a big glass of ice water and West Wing reruns on Bravo.

I am kinda worried that these are spossed to be the "good" weeks of the pregnancy - ouch

January OB Visit

Well everything went well again - of course. I have begun to notice that at about the 3rd week between ob visits I start to decide that the lil blasto is gone. I am fine at the visit - more than fine - we hear his heart beat, they tell me he's moving around etc but then after the first week or two I don't know what happens - I just start thinking oops I did this or didn't do that or had that funny feeling --- yup baby's gotta be gone. I don't think that this is normal.

So the stats on me - good blood pressure - its staying the same each visit. Okay weight - it's also stayed the same each visit - actually this month I lost a pound - but since I started out with my weight ... shall we say substantial... the docs not too worried since I am eating. Its funny that my weight isn't changing cause my shape is FOR SURE. My belly is big & hard & sticking out funny. My breasts (uggh) are maybe twice their size and also solid - somehow. I figrure that the energy of making a baby and the little bit of exercise that I am doing is making up for the weight gain that the baby & all adds. The doctor says that I better expect this phase to end now & I'll be looking at adding a pound a week. Well see...

As for lil blasto --- it took a minute to find his heart beat but as soon as she got it it was loud, strong and fast - good news. She asked if I could feel him moving around because she could hear lots and lots of movement. I am not feeling punches and kicks yet - its more like rolls and cramping - last night at bed time it felt like he had a hand on one of my organs and was having fun pulling it and literally making me say ouch, ouch, stop it... Em thought that was funny.

As for em she didn't make it to this appt. but she is good to come with me to the big Ultrasound that we have scheduled for next week!!!!! Which also means new photos for anyone who is actually reading this lil blog.

Peace....

20 Weeks Pregnant - from Visembryo

Week 18 Post Fertilization...

A dramatic growth period for the fetus.

HEAD - Fetus has phases of sleep and waking and may prefer a favorite sleep position. Temporary hair called lanugo appears on the head. Lanugo may fall out in the second week after birth, allowing fine scalp hair to grow. Eyebrows begin to form.

SKIN - Brown fat (colored by capillary growth) coats neck, chest and crotch areas around the lymphatic system. The vernix (consisting of dead skin, lanugo cells, and oil from glands) is now clearly formed and visible covering the skin.

PLACENTA - Placenta is fully formed and grows in diameter though not in thickness.

Blasto Does Vegas

Here we are in sin city - baby boi blasto & me... The trade show has been the hardest ever - between me being sick & not able to take much - Blasto being along for the ride, Alicia (my workmate getting sick too - sorry) - all the porno fans and the largest convention in the world happening at the same time & in parts of the same building.

So I started getting sick just after New Years and got on a plane on Wed am & flew out to Vegas - I did sudafed for the flight -hopefully not a HUGE mistake. I think I could feel my blood pressure going up - probably just from the fear that I was messing with Baby by taking a decongestant. While I was standing in the SW line at the Oakland Airport Deb S. called me & told me that Eliot just got on a plane to Vegas cause he's going to the CES show - yeah a friendly face amongst the crowds!!!!

My flight was ok - mercifully short although very crowded with techie boys coming for the not porn convention. Found the hotel ok - its old. It has windows that open. We are on the 24th floor. The casino really smells like smoke & I am very congested.

Eliot & I make plans to meet up on Friday - I wait for Alicia to arrive to get dinner - we go to the cheesy cafe in the hotel - not bad not good - Go to bed early.

I am up EVERY HOUR - either coughing or peeing - this sucks!!!!!

Thur am Alicia & I get ready our plan is to go to the show early and make the most of the trade only day - While she is getting dressed I cough so hard I puke - second instance of vomiting in the whole pregnancy - did I mention this sucks ?? Alicia is gracious - this must be a real dream come true for her. We get it together catch the monorail & realize we have to walk from Harrah's past the golddust to the Venetian & through the venetian to get to the Sands Expo center - what we just saved in cab fare we wasted in a half hour hike - I get blisters from the new Vans. Alicia is wearing heels she looks good but gets blisters too - we aren't even at the show yet.

Registration - hey that part goes ok, starbucks - tazo tea check, quick walk through of the B to B section of the show - spot Tantus, Vtex, GV, Fun Factory, et al good. We head upstairs to the DVD section to walk through there - wowwie Mister... these folks spend some $$$ on their display booths - all the major players are here - Vivid, Wicked, VCA, Club Jenna, Tera P., Mayhem, Evil Angel, Red Light, and on and on and on.... the First star we see is the incredibly Hot & Dirty Belladonna - oh my god she is soooo cute!!!!!!!!! Alicia and I both gush like schoolbois. Then we head back to the Gay VN mini section and chat up the guys at Channel One Releasing - I co-visit some other video booths with Alicia then leave her on her own to work her magic (and meet ms. Jenna J.) and I head back down to the Novelty Folks.

I run into Metis and join her for a quick walk, then need to make my own food run (blasto calls) I have just about the worst sandwich of my life - it cost $10. See JP of GV and go over & offer congrats about the Boston expansion - they are all very excited. Alicia finds me & we go back to our hotel room so I can take a nap.

My meetings in the Suites go really well - it is exciting to see that the big manufacturers are really starting to make some fun items - bright colors, better materials, more options - stuff thats cute & sexy!!

I drop down to Canyon Ranch for a minute and ask about prenatal massage - yep they do them - what a tease.... I want a spa day SO BAD - but I can't go into saunas or tubs anyways so its really a silly thought... maybe next time.

I go back up for the hosted cocktail party - run into the GV crowd and hang with them - they have so many folks here - merchandising, marketing, wholesale mgr, buyer, web mgr .... A lot of new folks too - again they are very jazzed to be announcing the opening in Brookline. I say hi to Mr. Doc Johnson - he has no idea who I am... but Ms. California Exotic does so thats a win.

Dinner at Aqua Knox - truly an exercise in overindulgence - I am caught up in the spirit and switch from trout to surf n turf at the last moment... the lobster is the size of my arm (really I am not joking) the steak is the size of something much larger than my stomach in its present state - did I mention the cocktails, the appetizer plates, the chocolate fondue, the bottles of wine...

Slept much better tonite - sleeping the sleep of the overstuffed lobster queen.

George Saunders’ “My Amendment”

George Saunders’ “My Amendment” (linked from LesbianDad)

published in
The New Yorker
Issue of 2004-03-08Posted 2004-03-01


As an obscure, middle-aged, heterosexual short-story writer, I am often asked, George, do you have any feelings about Same-Sex Marriage?
To which I answer, Actually, yes, I do.
Like any sane person, I am against Same-Sex Marriage, and in favor of a constitutional amendment to ban it.
To tell the truth, I feel that, in the interest of moral rigor, it is necessary for us to go a step further, which is why I would like to propose a supplementary constitutional amendment.
In the town where I live, I have frequently observed a phenomenon I have come to think of as Samish-Sex Marriage. Take, for example, K, a male friend of mine, of slight build, with a ponytail. K is married to S, a tall, stocky female with extremely short hair, almost a crewcut. Often, while watching K play with his own ponytail as S towers over him, I have wondered, Isn’t it odd that this somewhat effeminate man should be married to this somewhat masculine woman? Is K not, on some level, imperfectly expressing a slight latent desire to be married to a man? And is not S, on some level, imperfectly expressing a slight latent desire to be married to a woman?
Then I ask myself, Is this truly what God had in mind?
Take the case of L, a female friend with a deep, booming voice. I have often found myself looking askance at her husband, H. Though H is basically pretty masculine, having neither a ponytail nor a tight feminine derriére like K, still I wonder: H, when you are having marital relations with L, and she calls out your name in that deep, booming, nearly male voice, and you continue having marital relations with her (i.e., you are not “turned off”?), does this not imply that you, H, are, in fact, still “turned on”? And doesn’t this indicate that, on some level, you, H, have a slight latent desire to make love to a man?
Or consider the case of T, a male friend with an extremely small penis. (We attend the same gym.) He is married to O, an average-looking woman who knows how to fix cars. I wonder about O. How does she know so much about cars? Is she not, by tolerating this non-car-fixing, short-penised friend of mine, indicating that, on some level, she wouldn’t mind being married to a woman, and is therefore, perhaps, a tiny bit functionally gay?
And what about T? Doesn’t the fact that T can stand there in the shower room at our gym, confidently towelling off his tiny unit, while O is at home changing their sparkplugs with alacrity, indicate that it is only a short stroll down a slippery slope before he is completely happy being the “girl” in their relationship, from which it is only a small fey hop down the same slope before T is happily married to another man, perhaps my car mechanic, a handsome Portuguese fellow I shall refer to as J?
Because my feeling is, when God made man and woman He had something very specific in mind. It goes without saying that He did not want men marrying men, or women marrying women, but also what He did not want, in my view, was feminine men marrying masculine women.
Which is why I developed my Manly Scale of Absolute Gender.
Using my Scale, which assigns numerical values according to a set of masculine and feminine characteristics, it is now easy to determine how Manly a man is and how Fem a woman is, and therefore how close to a Samish-Sex Marriage a given marriage is.
Here’s how it works. Say we determine that a man is an 8 on the Manly Scale, with 10 being the most Manly of all and 0 basically a Neuter. And say we determine that his fiancée is a -6 on the Manly Scale, with a -10 being the most Fem of all. Calculating the difference between the man’s rating and the woman’s rating–the Gender Differential–we see that this proposed union is not, in fact, a Samish-Sex Marriage, which I have defined as any marriage for which the Gender Differential is less than or equal to 10 points.
Friends whom I have identified as being in Samish-Sex Marriages often ask me, George, given that we have scored poorly, what exactly would you have us do about it?
Well, one solution I have proposed is divorce–divorce followed by remarriage to a more suitable partner. K, for example, could marry a voluptuous high-voiced N.F.L. cheerleader, who would more than offset his tight feminine derriére, while his ex-wife, S, might choose to become involved with a lumberjack with very large arms, thereby neutralizing her thick calves and faint mustache.
Another, and of course preferable, solution would be to repair the existing marriage, converting it from a Samish-Sex Marriage to a healthy Normal Marriage, by having the feminine man become more masculine and/or the masculine woman become more feminine.
Often, when I propose this, my friends become surly. How dare I, they ask. What business is it of mine? Do I think it is easy to change in such a profound way?
To which I say, It is not easy to change, but it is possible.
I know, because I have done it.
When young, I had a tendency to speak too quickly, while gesturing too much with my hands. Also, my opinions were unfirm. I was constantly contradicting myself in that fast voice, while gesturing like a girl. Also, I cried often. Things seemed so sad. I had long blond hair, and liked it. My hair was layered and fell down across my shoulders, and, I admit it, I would sometimes slow down when passing a shopwindow to look at it, to look at my hair! I had a strange constant feeling of being happy to be alive. This feeling of infinite possibility sometimes caused me to laugh when alone, or even, on occasion, to literally skip down the street, before pausing in front of a shopwindow and giving my beautiful hair a cavalier toss.
To tell the truth, I do not think I would have scored very high on my Manly Scale, if the Scale had been invented at that time, by me. I suspect I would have scored so Fem on the test that I would have been prohibited from marrying my wife, P, the love of my life. And I think, somewhere in my heart, I knew that.
I knew I was too Fem.
So what did I do about it? Did I complain? Did I whine? Did I expect activist judges to step in on my behalf, manipulating the system to accommodate my peculiarity?
No, I did not.
What I did was I changed. I undertook what I like to think of as a classic American project of self-improvement. I made videos of myself talking, and studied these, and in time succeeded in training myself to speak more slowly, while almost never moving my hands. Now, if you ever meet me, you will observe that I always speak in an extremely slow and manly and almost painfully deliberate way, with my hands either driven deep into my pockets or held stock-still at the ends of my arms, which are bent slightly at the elbows, as if I were ready to respond to the slightest provocation by punching you in the face. As for my opinions, they are very firm. I rarely change them. When I feel like skipping, I absolutely do not skip. As for my long beautiful hair–well, I am lucky, in that I am rapidly going bald. Every month, when I recalculate my ranking on the Manly Scale, I find myself becoming more and more Manly, as my hair gets thinner and my girth increases, thickening my once lithe, almost girlish physique, thus insuring the continuing morality and legality of my marriage to P.
My point is simply this: If I was able to effect these tremendous positive changes in my life, to avoid finding myself in the moral/legal quagmire of a Samish-Sex Marriage, why can’t K, S, L, H, T, and O do the same?
I implore any of my readers who find themselves in a Samish-Sex Marriage: Change. If you are a feminine man, become more manly. If you are a masculine woman, become more feminine. If you are a woman and are thick-necked or lumbering, or have ever had the slightest feeling of attraction to a man who is somewhat pale and fey, deny these feelings and, in a spirit of self-correction, try to become more thin-necked and light-footed, while, if you find it helpful, watching videos of naked masculine men, to sort of retrain yourself in the proper mode of attraction. If you are a man and, upon seeing a thick-waisted, athletic young woman walking with a quasi-mannish gait through your local grocery, you imagine yourself in a passionate embrace with her, in your car, a car that is parked just outside, and which is suddenly, in your imagination, full of the smell of her fresh young breath–well, stop thinking that! Are you a man or not?
I, for one, am sick and tired of this creeping national tendency to let certain types of people take advantage of our national good nature by marrying individuals who are essentially of their own gender. If this trend continues, before long our towns and cities will be full of people like K, S, L, H, T, and O, people “asserting their rights” by dating, falling in love with, marrying, and spending the rest of their lives with whomever they please.
I, for one, am not about to stand by and let that happen.
Because then what will we have? A nation ruled by the anarchy of unconstrained desire. A nation of willful human hearts, each lurching this way and that and reaching out for whatever it spontaneously desires, trying desperately to find some comforting temporary shred of warmth in a mostly cold world, totally unconcerned about the external form in which that other, long-desired heart is embodied.
That is not the kind of world in which I wish to live.
I, for one, intend to become ever more firmly male, enjoying my golden years, while watching P become ever more female, each of us vigilant for any hint of ambiguity in the other.
And as our children grow, should they begin to show the slightest hint of some lingering residue of the opposite gender, P and I will lovingly pull them aside and list all the particulars by which we were able to identify their unintentional deficiency.
Then, together, we will devise a suitable correction.
And, in this way, the race will go on.

My Delicate Condition

Wow – so I think I’m going to have a baby (18 weeks into this and I’m starting to get the inevitable). Emily is a little worried about me because I made myself a “baby doll” the other night with one of the pajama outfits that D-Gina gave us. I don’t know if anyone else in the world has done this but I feel like its making the baby seem more real to have some sort of physical – outside representation of the little one who is coming (soon…). I sit and look at “him” (the t-shirt stuffed yellow duck pajama boy) and wonder what I should say to “him” – is this behavior somehow preparing me for parenthood? I have no idea – but I do feel an odd sort of affection for lil yellow pj guy.

I have been reading the Sears Birth Book (a present from some of my great work compadres) and folding the onesies that em brought back from Boston & it does feel like something is sinking in. Last night Em & I were at Ikea for storage options & we also looked at baby room stuff – I’m not into the Ikea options –but I do have a list of what I think we need – from crib to receiving blankets to vaporizer etc… It’s not too bad so far. I’m gonna ask some of the recent parent friends & family if its on target.

Emily is funny cause she kept getting mad at me for trying to carry stuff or pick stuff up at Ikea – she is concerned (suddenly) with my delicate condition.

18 Weeks today - visembryo update

Week 16 Post Fertilization...

Growth continues, but no new structures form after this point.

HEAD

Eyes are at final destination and face forward rather than to the sides and reflexes, such as blinking, develop. Ears move to final position and stand out from head.

ABDOMEN

Meconium begins to accumulate in the bowels. Meconium is the product of cell loss, digestive secretion and swallowed amniotic fluid.

LIMBS

Fingertips and toes develop the unique swirls and creases of fingerprints and toe prints.

NERVOUS

The nerves are being coated with a fatty substance system (myelin) to speed nerve cell transmission and insulate them for uninterrupted impulses.

BLOOD

Circulation is completely functional. The umbilical cord system continues to grow and thicken as blood travels with considerable force through the body to nurture the fetus. The placenta is now almost equal in size to the fetus.

http://visembryo.com/baby/week16.html

OB VISIT 3

OB VISIT #3

Today we went in for our December appt. – and everything went great. My uterus has moved up higher in my belly and the babes heartbeat is 150 beats a minute (its really fast) - and my blood pressure is good – no sign of diabetes. All in all everything is looking good.

Maternity Clothes

Well we discovered a trick for tolerable butch maternity shopping - that is to go into a "real" maternity store first. Em and I were downtown last weekend and we went into this ladies shop and I was horrified!!!!! It was filled with clothes I would never ever ever in a million years touch - much less wear. Then we went across the street to Old Navy (thank you Phancy) and up to the 3rd floor maternity ward and suddenly even the jeans with the applique didn't look nearly so bad.

Size hurts though... even before getting pg I was getting a little freaked out about the fact that after a childhood & youthful 20's of being a skinny stick guy I started to gain lbs and waist size every year since 30. Gone are the youthful days of the 28" waisted jeans of yore... and 10 years later at 40 I'm digging the baggy fit Lucky Jeans 38's that fit much closer to a 40 - and this is sinching the jeans on my low hips under where the tummy is actually making itself known.

So my initial maternity thought was that I'd just step up the jeans into the really big guy sizes - 42, 44, 46 etc but then when blasto started pushing out into my low guts I realized that in a month or so I'd be wearing jeans that would fall off my butt cause there wouldn't be anything holding them up.... This called for a change of plans - hence the trip downtown.

So the good folks at Gap and their sister stores make jeans & cords to fit the big belly - but they size them funny... there is no 38"x30" like Levis & Luckys and real jeans -- no now I am looking at S, M L and XL with a hard to find chart that says L = 12, 14 and XL is 16 etc - how hard would it be to add the inches to this chart????? Too hard to do clearly. Long story short - after the humiliation of trying to pull on a pair of med's and a pair of Larges - Yup I'd be an XL. - Fuck!

Humiliation suffered I am now the proud papa of 2 pairs of roll front pants that better get me through the next 6 months. On a happier note - the Manifesto Mens XL shirts are PERFECT dude maternity shirts & I snagged two beauties at their sample sale a couple weeks back (plus I got two really cute shirts for the lil dude when he gets here).

My Birthday Scan - and an update

Em and I snuck in another pm ultrasound.... She mainly got to see what was going on - I was laying at that weird angle where you can't really see the screen at all. So Blasto was dancing around like crazy in there & he's got the thumb sucking down already - which is about two weeks before my "your pregnancy week by week" book says he'd have it figured out - what a bright boyling he is.

He's supposedly around the size of a peach or my fist - I can't feel him moving around yet & when I put em's stethescope to my belly I don't hear anything but gas... but he's growing right on target with the numbers that the photo machine prints out. He's in there resting his head on a nice little cyst thats growing along with him... my contribution - the doctor says its nothing to worry about at this point & will stay out of the way of the pregnancy - all the extra hormones give everything more of a growth spurt.

Developmently he's still a big headed boy with his head being one half his entire body- but its sitting on his neck now and not just rolling about on the shoulders. The hearts in there beating crazy fast (pumping 25 quarts of blood a day!), and he's practicing breathing by sucking in & out the amniotic fluid - yuck!!!! His arms are proportional at this point but he's still got stubby legs - although on the last scan they looked pretty long & lean to me so I don't know.... and his liver & spleen and all start functioning so that he's starting to pee into that amniotic fluid that he's drinking (yuck!!)

As for me - I am still feeling sick in the afternoons & evenings more often than not - & I finally got sick for the first time when I took a new prenatal vitamin- it stayed down for less than 5 minutes. Made me pretty glad that although I am getting crampy stomach aches & feel like I am on an extended boating trip I am not actually throwing up.

CVS Scan

Ok - here's the photo from the Super High End fancy schmancy Ultrasound that they use when they are doing the CVS Testing.

I went in for the exam on Dec. 17th in the afternoon... I had to go alone cause Em was up in PDX for an interview. The bus ride to CPMC sucked which made me realize I better learn how to drive or something before the last month or two when I am going to have to get out there EVERY week. The genetick counselor lady was okay... I had already read up so she didn't tell me much that I hadn't already read about or thought through - except she assured me that the Dr. who would do the CVS was one of the co-founders of the dept - Dr. Goldberg & he's done tons & tons of CVS tests (which is one of the biggest factors in lowering the risks of complications!!) So that made me feel better. Then I went back to the waiting room & then in for the test... oh Did I mention that EVERYBODY ELSE who was there had there spouse with them... okay - so we went in & the Ultrasound Tech TOTALLY ROCKED - she was so cool - I felt like she spent a good amount of extra time getting lots of good shots of blasto from almost every angle - close ups of his hands & feet - I could see the bones in his hands - a good shot of the back of his neck & she told me that the neck is thin - a good sign from the genetic standpoint
and he was kicking his legs all over the place and rolled around for us - his place is actually pretty roomy in there right now - I hope he enjoys it cause its gonna get a lot more cramped in the near future.

So the placenta is between me & blasto which means they had to do the CVS with a needle through the belly - The big Doc & a nurse came in (she also rocked) and they gave me the numbing shot & then the Dr. went in & pulled out some cell samples - they showed it to me in the bottle it looked kinda like honeycomb --- all very fascinating. The Doctor was also great - I felt good about the whole experience & didn't have any pain or cramping or bleeding or anything. Shari came & got me after & I laid on her couch while she & Emma made holiday cookies. Then a had to lay around and not do much of anything for a couple of days... Doctors Orders!!!

Developmental Update .... his jaw has sockets where the teeth are growing. His brain structure should be complete & his face is pretty much human - he's got vocal cords and may be in there talking to himself. His intestines should have moved inside where they belong & out of the umbilical cord & the gall bladder, pancreas and thyroid are all good to go - the pancreas starts making insulin. His skin is "sensitive" and he's getting reflexes - fingernails are growing as are genitals. Go Blasto Go!

Happy New Year & Welcome to "Morning" Sickness

Well I am six weeks now (4 weeks developmental) and I'm feeling kinda crappy. At Rosh Hosh services I kept going wow I feel kinda yucky each time we stood up & sat down & stood up & sat down ... and that night I could barely sleep - just felt super yuckers - and I was like "am I having cramps - no not cramps" "Is this gas? - nope not gas" and finally I realized I felt like I feel when Emily makes - ok encourages me to do something like whale watching or deep sea fishing & I'm like Oh... I feel totally naseaus.... that's what this is.

So I took a long bath at 3 in the morning and finally got to sleep.

Here's whats going on with Blasto.... there are limb buds where the arms & legs are gonna be & a layer of skin is forming.

The brain is seperating into 3 sections - "the forebrain, midbrain and hindbrain. The forebrain consists of lobes that translate input from the senses, and will be responsible for memory formation, thinking, reasoning, problem solving. The midbrain will serve as a relay station, coordinating messages to their final destination. The hindbrain will be responsible for regulating the heart, breathing and muscle movements".

Blasto is making eyes -
"Retinal disc presses outward and touches the surface ectoderm. In response the ectoderm proliferates forming the lens disc. Specific parts of the eye, such as the retina, the future pigment of the retina and the optic stalk are identifiable."

Organs are all developing & the heart & liver combined are the same size as blasto's head. Blood is somehow circulating even though there aren't heart valves yet. The lungs are just starting.

The embryo is folded up into a three dimensional shape & the somite pairs are going to start turning into bones & muscle.

Today

Stage 11
Thirteen to Twenty Somite Pairs, Rostral Neuropore Closes, Optic Vesicle Appears, Two Pharyngeal Arches Appear
2.5 - 3.0 mm
23 - 25 days post-ovulation
http://www.visembryo.com/baby/stage11.html

Thirteen to twenty pairs of somites are present in Stage 11 and the embryo is shaped in a modified S curve. The embryo has a bulb-like tail and a connecting stalk to the developing placenta.
A primitive S-shaped tubal heart is beating and peristalsis, the rhythmic flow propelling fluids throughout the body, begins. However, this is not true circulation because blood vesel development is still incomplete.
At this stage, the neural tube determines the form of the embryo. Although the primary blood vessels along the central nervous system are connecting in Stage 11, the central nervous system appears to be the most developed system. If twenty somites are present in the embryo, the forebrain is completely closed.

Positive Test

Tested Positive this Morning -

Got up at 8 am and took my temp like I am doing every damn morning (or at least every morning when I remember) – then went to pee & decided that even though its early – a few days before my period is due – what the hell we have a few extra clear blue sticks around since they are coming as a freebie each time I buy the ovulation testers. So I peed on the stick and then sat & waited, and waited, and tried not to look, and waited – and well, you know what the outcome is going to be cause you already saw the title of this page – I looked at the stick and saw a +. I ran into the bedroom and showed it to E., and she said yep she can see the plus sign too. So now the real ride begins. I hope I can keep some semblance of sane over the next few weeks while we try to get past the early developing weeks.

http://www.visembryo.com/baby/stage5.html

Blasto!

Early Blastocyst

0.1 - 0.2 mm

4 days post-ovulation

About four days after fertilization, the morula enters the uterine cavity. Cell division continues, and a cavity known as a blastocele forms in the center of the morula. Cells flatten and compact on the inside of the cavity while the zona pellucida remains the same size. With the appearance of the cavity in the center, the entire structure is now called a blastocyst.
The presence of the blastocyst indicates that two cell types are forming: the embryoblast (inner cell mass on the inside of the blastocele), and the trophoblast (the cells on the outside of the blastocele).

http://www.visembryo.com/baby/stage3.html

Stage 1

Stage 1
Fertilization
1 Oocyte, 300 Million Sperm, 24 Hours
0.1 - 0.15 mm
1 day post-ovulation
Fertilization begins when a sperm penetrates an oocyte (an egg) and it ends with the creation of the zygote. The fertilization process takes about 24 hours.
A sperm can survive for up to 48 hours. It takes about ten hours to navigate the female productive track, moving up the vaginal canal, through the cervix, and into the fallopian tube where fertilization begins. Though 300 million sperm may enter the upper part of the vagina, only 1%, 3 million, enter the uterus. The next step is the penetration of the zona pellucida, a tough membrane surrounding the oocyte. Only one sperm needs to bind with the protein receptors in the zona pellucida to trigger an enzyme reaction allowing the zona to be pierced. Penetration of the zona pellucida takes about twenty minutes.
Within 11 hours following fertilization, the oocyte has extruded a polar body with its excess chromosomes. The fusion of the oocyte and sperm nuclei marks the creation of the zygote and the end of fertilization.

Makin lil butch

Makin’ lil butch babies.

We got the chance to try again this month. Sept 8th was our go day - Lucky that I’ve had a really clear cycle for awhile. We picked up our supplies in the morning and then went to work. The plan was to shoot for a 9pm insemination. I wanted to have the chance to chill out, get in the water, bathe & rest – before we did the insemination. It was a sweet evening – made me feel very optimistic about our chances. I hope so because if we make a baby now then she’ll be born at the end of may or early june – our last chance before residency starts – which really makes this our last chance to get pregnant. If it doesn’t work then I suspect that we would wait about a year and Em would be the one to try after that. At 41 I don’t think that’ll it be me trying beyond this round.

I suppose I am scared in so many ways right now - scared it won’t happen, scared that if it does we may still have to face losing the pregnancy like earlier this summer, scared that even at 41 I am really not ready to be a dad. And I am also strangely compelled to share my thoughts and musings with an anonymous world.